Wine and Roses: Adoption Series. An adoptee, after reading last months article on the difficulties adoptees have in managing relationships, sent this to note to me; “Makes me feel so sad some days….brings tears to my eyes… wondering where I’m meant to be…and… why I’m here. Such an empty feeling…lost and alone….it sure isn’t all wine and roses”.
This reaction (shared by permission) underscores a significant learning curve for many of us; to manage the experience we often feel as an “empty… aloneness” or perhaps more accurately defined as the feeling of loneliness.
In my experience, personally and professionally, the difficulty of this task is intensified when we are not clearly distinguishing the feelings arising from loneliness (a temporary state) and our innate solitude (a permanent state). Many get these closely associated experiences (often part and parcel of the same circumstance) jumbled up.
The most effective way I have found to manage loneliness is to first differentiate the task of accepting our innate solitude from resolving any unwanted feelings of aloneness. We are then focusing on what can be changed; as opposed to what needs to be entered into more deeply.
Solitude is not (so much) a feeling experienced as a realty to acknowledge. This is difficult for many to appreciate. Many would rather not be in solitude (if possible). Poet and novelist, Rainer Marie Rilke writes; “[to] speak of solitude again, it becomes always clearer that this is at bottom not something that one can take or leave… [we] are solitary… [we] may delude ourselves and act as though this were not so” (Letters to a Young Poet).
As difficult as it may seem, we are meant to appreciate our innate solitude. It is to be nurtured; success measured when an evening alone feels “delicious…when the whole body is one sense, and imbibes delight through every pore” (H.D. Thoreau, Walden).
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I am reminded of when Jesus was ‘driven ‘(Mark 1:12) into the wilderness alone. I wonder at the true intent of Spirit. And what about those angels, who ministered to him; are they connected to our experience too?
As I see it, nurturing our innate solitude, gives strength to managing those tasks associated with the often overwhelming sense of “empty aloneness”; for it is in solitude where we most intimately connect with ourselves, personalize our redemption, and come alive to the light of grace which comforts us. And as painful and sudden as solitude comes upon us, great minds, like Einstein, Picasso, Mozart, Robert Louis Stevenson, Paul Tillich and many more, tell us that solitude is the birthplace of creativity
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