The crucible is a container that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes and is essentially used for mixing chemical compounds at very high heat. In my counselling, I use the term ‘crucible’ to describe a marriage (or partnership) in which 2 people are fused by a love that changes them both. The change […]
The Working Crucible
Navigating Persistent Couple Conflict
Most healthy couples argue and fight. In her book ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’, licensed psychologist R. Durvasula writes, “fighting means you care about the relationship,”. She argues that, “when fighting goes away completely, sometimes one or both people have checked out.” Fighting can lead to greater intimacy. But only when the the […]
“Peace Be With You!”
My need to be at peace has transcended my need to be creative and useful. It is a different drive and I am not sure if it has been my recent (successful) battle with my health, or the fact I am into my 59th year and am naturally travelling a new path. There are a […]
I’m At A Loss Here!!
Where do we turn for comfort, for reassurance…for repair? And what do we do when overcome by the immediate experience of suffering? On Feb 21 of this year, near Orangeville, a female driver’s van was swept away by flooding. As she was exiting the vehicle, her three-year-old boy was swept out of her arms and […]
CS Lewis is credited to have once said, “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” Such letting go often requires great exertion because, when in pain, we feel tremendously heavy. Even the strongest of us can drop to […]
Why Do We Do What We Do?
(Many thanks to my Clericus for stirring some of my thoughts in this article) Why is Apple so successful? Why did Martin Luther King rally so many followers? According to Simon Sinek in a Ted Talk (known as the author of “Start With Why”), it is because the “why” of their direction and purpose is […]
Must You Really Do It??
We begin a wonderful New Year: full of hope and expectation! And as the plans are made we must find the energy to accomplish those tasks. Many unwittingly discover that the first months of the year are staggeringly stressful. Reports indicate that people in leadership are particularly squeezed. Given the email, text messaging, and the […]
Should A Moose Be Called An “It”?
This topic of ‘safety’ and ‘safe space’ addresses those emotional and physical realties that hurt; and involves such issues as verbal abuse, domestic violence, work place bullying, and cultural insensitivity. The definition of what is ‘safe’ is growing broader, and interestingly, this increasing sensitivity to any and all distress, is starting to have a backlash. […]
Goof Bravely; The Joy Of Making Mistakes
The fear of making a mistake is common. It is the result of unrealistic perfectionistic thinking; like the notion that making mistakes will lead to some terrible consequence, or that making mistakes is a sign of weakness or incompetence. The fear of making mistakes is insidious. It can be almost unfaithful because it undermines us, […]
Generosity: Sometimes A Difficult Pill To Swallow
It is true that it is better to give than to receive, nonetheless, in my experience, it is often more difficult to receive than to give. If it is an effort to graciously accept praise, gifts, favors, support, and such, you have receiving issues. I am currently transitioning into a new parish. My former parishioners […]